Quick, to the slutcave!
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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