So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
