Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
