well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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