My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
