I wish I could teleport
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
