So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
