I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
