i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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