I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
We need to feng shui this bitch.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
