sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
two words...techno handjob
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
