jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
