New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
