at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Randomize
