I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
a search helicopter?!
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize