I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Randomize
