i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
