I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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