I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
i think im in europe. pls send help
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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