I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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