How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
