so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
