I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
