I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
