she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Randomize
