i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
