No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Randomize
