i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
