you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
