I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Small penises have feelings too.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
