Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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