What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Randomize
