Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
