Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
