My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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