I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
