can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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