she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
