I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I think pants incapable of making pants work
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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