Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Randomize
