All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?�
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
