im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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