please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
