I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
