I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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