This is not my ceiling
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
