We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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