I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
