hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Randomize
