I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
