How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
