smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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