i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
