Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Two words: blizzard sex
Randomize
