So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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