I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I want her autograph on my taint
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
