Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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