If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
